喂, 就黎Halloween啦喎!

約一個月前.

某君: 喂, 就黎Halloween啦喎!
我(發呆中): Halloween關我X事?
某君: ......

幾星期前.

某君: 喂, 就黎Halloween啦喎!
我(發呆中): 咁又點呀?
某君: ......

幾日前.

老媽子: 喂, 就黎Halloween啦喎!
我(驚): 吓你都啱玩?!
老媽子: 玩你個頭, 某君生日呀!

好在老媽子提醒, 如果唔係今日有人會嬲, 哈.

與某銀號對話 (二)

上次同某銀號傾完, 轉眼兩個月, 我都唔記得左呢件事.

今日電話響, 隨手一接, 原來係某銀號又來娛樂我.

某銀號員工: 我地早兩個月寄左張白金卡俾你, 但係你一直都冇確認喎, 點解呢?
我: 吓? 我冇收過喎, 你地寄左去邊呀?
某銀號員工(迷茫): 冇收過...???
我: 係呀.
某銀號員工(迷茫): 咁...你收到再確認返.... (應該知衰臨崖勒馬)
我(妖ing): 會唔會兩個月後突然間收到呀?
某銀號員工(迷茫): 哦...咁....
我(double妖ing): 咁我可以點呢?
某銀號員工(突然迴光返照): 咁為左保障返閣下呢最好你打返去我地hotline取消返張卡, 我地電話係...
我(triple妖ing): 你而家幫我轉過去得唔得?
某銀號員工(如夢初醒): 呀, 得, 請等等.

妖.

與某銀號對話 (一)

兩個幾月前:

某銀號員工(一輪咀): blah blah blah blah...為左答謝閣下....優先批核....白金卡..... 免年費........
我(淨係聽到最後果句): 免年費就寄黎啦.
某銀號員工: 咁我同你對返d個人資料先.

對完一大輪, 到職業部份.

某銀號員工: 你個僱主係唔係呢個...er...er...Man...Man....Manila Pacific呀? (馬尼拉太平洋???)
我: 轉左A銀號啦喎.
某銀號員工(迷茫): er...可唔可以串俾我聽?
我: AXX...
某銀號員工(迷茫): A?
我(妖ing): A for Apple呀.
某銀號員工(迷茫): Apple? 咁Apple跟住係咩呀?
我(double妖ing): 係A呀, A for Apple個A.
某銀號員工(迷茫): er...不如你俾個中文名我?
我(triple妖ing): XX銀號.
某銀號員工(迷茫): 哦哦...咁請問貴公司業務性質係咩呢?
我(quadri妖ing): 咁請問貴銀號業務性質又係咩呢?
某銀號員工(迷茫): 哦...係咪銀號黎呀?

妖.

我果然係隻貓

You Would Be a Pet Cat

Independent and aloof, you don't like to be dependent on anyone. And as for other people, you can take them or leave them. You often don't care. You live your life by your own rules. And you have deep motivations that no one truly understands. Why you would make a great pet: You're not needy or greedy... unlike other four legged friends. Why you would make a bad pet: You're not exactly running down to greet people at the door What you would love about being a cat: Agility and freedom What you would hate about being a cat: Being treated like a dog by clueless humans

What Kind of Pet Would You Be?

洗牙

冇嘢做, 走左去洗牙.

今次心血來潮book左阿媽個friend極力推介果個, 聽聞佢"好好人, 手勢好, 細心, 有耐性, 仲幾靚仔添". 好得咁緊要? 姑且一試啦.

真係聞名不如見面, 得罪講句, 呢件四眼書蟲都叫靚仔? 睇黎阿auntie老花又勁左.

洗牙中, 突然間阿醫生好似發現新大陸一樣.

佢(緊張): 你呢隻大牙...當年都應該蛀得幾緊要喎!
我: 哦, 好耐啦, 補得唔好個filling甩左, 後尾補返.
佢: 幾耐既事呀?
我: 十幾廿年啦喎...有咩事呀佢?
佢: 你呢隻牙應該好痛架喎!
我: 吓? 冇痛過喎...
佢(拎枝唔知咩扑吓隻牙): 痛唔痛呀?
我: 唔痛.
佢(大力d扑): 咁呢?
我: 都唔痛.
佢(仍不死心): 冇理由, 你呢隻牙應該痛架喎! 咁而家唔痛, 會唔會間中痛吓丫?
我: 冇.
佢(居然仲未死心): 唔係啦, 你呢隻牙會好痛架, 都係剝左佢好d呀!
我(開始有火): 隻牙冇事冇幹喎, 剝咩呀?
佢(都仲係唔死心): 唔係呀, 真係剝左佢好d, 而家唔痛, 遲吓都可能會好痛架! 我今日幫你剝埋啦.
我(火): 我痛先搵你啦吓, 你今次幫我洗牙得啦.

條友都忽忽地, 佢一路洗牙仲耐不耐去攪吓我果隻牙, 不停"痛唔痛呀? 痛唔痛呀?"咁問. 我都費事睬佢.

攪掂後, 我迅速走人, 唔洗旨意我會再幫襯佢.

結論一: 呢條友好大機會係傻既.

結論二: 我阿媽個friend, 都好大機會係傻既.

結論三: 過多幾十年我可能會好多病, 而家通定波仔做定化療換定肝腎先啦不如.

半日假

今日照CT scan, 多得呢個咁特別既約會, 我難得地喺一個要返工既日子可以同周公子纏綿到十點.

不過都仲係好眼瞓, 去到我搭錯lift, 一開門, 咦? 軒琴居傢俬?

面懵懵落返一層, 嘩, 鬼死咁多人, 有幾個阿毛大大聲分享驗骨質疏鬆經歷, 熱鬧非常.

好快叫左我入房, 個靚姐姐斟左大壺水叫我攪掂佢, 跟住就唔見左.

一條傻婆戇居居自隊左半壺Bonaqua, 有兩個哥哥仔埋黎講一大輪, 又填form又盛, 跟住換過件鮮艷橙色袍, 終於開得工.

瞓喺度被推出推入一陣, 跟住又等, 等到差d瞓著時, 阿哥哥仔走返入黎, 話要打顯影劑再照, 好唔好喎? 超我都肉鎚針板上, 可以話唔好咩?

我隻可憐既手又被刺穿, 篤左碌針筒放顯影劑, 果種感覺好過癮, feel到有嘢快速注入手臂, 成個人發滾, 暈暈地, 個喉嚨苦苦地, high high地.

前後四十分鐘左右, 玩完.

一路行返往公司方向都仲係暈暈地, 個喉嚨仲係有陣唔知咩味, 頂乜有aftertaste添? 咁勁?

下個禮拜出result, 即係又要去俾大國手哦.

後話: 食左嘢就唔再暈, 原來我只不過係肚餓.

廢柴

有一條廢柴, 有日神經病發, 口口聲聲自稱係一個nice guy.

但觀乎佢既言行舉止, 橫睇掂睇上睇下睇都只係一個......

仆街.

空

有位損友同我講, 只有心靈空虛, 感情空白既人先會寫blog; 某程度上佢啱.

最近相繼收到紅色炸彈同稅局既綠色炸彈, 遲d銀包亦會變得空空如也.

唯獨是工作未見空閒, 未至於四大皆空.